We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
