I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize