Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
