piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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