It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
