omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I have post one night stand depression
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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