I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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