so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
