I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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