I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize