Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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