You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize