matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There's always time for handjobs
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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