What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
