Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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