And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
