You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
