I'm going to jail i love you
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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