he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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