dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize