He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
