My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
