Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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