omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
