I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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