Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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