and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
