I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
