I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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