hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
