Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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