you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
