Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
