Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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