xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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