the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
