We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize