I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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