Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
