Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
