96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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