That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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