he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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