she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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