She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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