also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
