i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
