I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
