I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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