Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
