I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
