The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I didn't notice because vodka
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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