i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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