She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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