There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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