I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
