idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
