I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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