dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
