Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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