anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
