im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
