We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
