He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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