I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
