As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
