We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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