dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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