You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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