I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize