I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
