I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
