i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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