woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize