I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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