OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
